Death... And More Death

Death ... and More Death

A Colour-Blind Detective Tale

by Bill Capron

The world is black and white for me. So you'd think I'd be more sensitive than most to tonal shifts, but it seems there's never any warning before the dark side of life smacks me upside the head. No "Your Brakes Are Out" or "Gun Ahead" signs. No death congestion reports. If there had been, I'd have turned around and headed straight home, missing out on all the death. Then I could have seen it like you did: a diversion on the national news, antiseptic, pretty much painless. Maybe the easy summer should have been warning enough. Maybe I won't take a vacation ever again.

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Color Me Dead

The Thrilling Detective

There Are Four Lights

Captain Jean-Luc Picard needs some serious therapy

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So You Found Something Cool On The Internet...

Flow Charts... Can't get enough:

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Medical Quackery

This illustrates that Quackery and Junk Science have always been a problem. It also shows that real Scientists and Doctors have been fighting it for years:

Quackery Exposed - Circa 1950

Caroline Rance on the Zerret Applicator

Also, check out the Bad Science Blog

National Petition for Libel Law Reform

Sense About Science
National Petition for Libel Law Reform

We have joined with English PEN and Index on Censorship in a coalition to campaign for libel reform. English PEN and Index on Censorship launched their 'Free Speech Is Not For Sale' report in early November. It detailed the chilling effect of English libel law on freedom of expression in the UK and across the world. Following the case of the science writer Simon Singh being sued for libel for an article in the Guardian, Sense About Science's campaign for scientific and academic freedom from libel threats has attracted nearly 20,000 supporters. Together, as a coalition, we are campaigning for major libel law reform.

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Sign The Petition

Although this is an issue directly affecting the U.K., the ramifications are universal. If professionals speak out about junk science and are subsequently sued for libel, we are left on our own to decide what products are actually what they claim to be.

There is also the much bigger issue of Freedom of Speech. When we start down the slippery slope of censoring certain kinds of speech, then institutions, businesses, and governments will simply "purchase" censorship rights through litigation.

I am usually not big on boycotts, and petitions, etc., but I feel this issues deserves support

Rodents Go Badass

This just in: After reading my previous post about the ass-kicking book Badass, an inspired squirrel spread the word throughout the Rodent Kingdom that the time was ripe to wage war on the Reptile bastards that keep stealing all the peanuts in the park.

Fifty-Five Gallon Barrel of Whoopass

"Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad."

The above passage is from Neal Stephenson's classic cyberpunk novel Snow Crash. The quote speaks a truth that is, well, absolutely true. Every man does think it. Yet, for a small minority of men, a very small minority, exhibiting an extreme flaw in character stewing in a boiling hot cauldron of misanthropy, evolve beyond the thought, and become something extremely scary.

This is what Ben Thompson's book Badass is all about: those select few that actually were the baddest motherfuckers in the world.

The entire read is one chapter after the next of historical Bad-Asses. Starting with the Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses II of Egypt, and ending with Israeli Special Forces Commander Johnathan Netanyahu. It includes chapters on contemporary ass-kickers like Eliot Ness, General Patton and Bruce Lee. It also features a chapter each on historical badasses like Alexander The Great, Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Black Beard the Pirate. As well as a nearly unheard-of Medieval female Samurai, Tomoe Gozen. There is even a chapter on the way-before-his-time original mad scientist Nikola Tesla (Tesla was included because he apparently spent the final years of his life developing a super atomic death ray - how kick-ass is that?)

In a way, this is a history book, filled with facts gleaned from the eyewitness accounts that gorge the annals of history. But in the style it is written, its pretty much assured that no history professor worth his weight in tenure would consider this a "text book."

Chock full of pop culture nomenclature, and a less than traditional narrative, this book is a scalding goulash of ruthless retribution and gratuitous carnage, seasoned with a healthy dose of hard-boiled badassitude.

It eats the Pulitzer Peace Prize for breakfast, and shits it out by noon.

Here is an example from chapter 2 of an incredibly accurate and nuanced exchange between an historical Badass, the Spartan King Leonidas, and his arch nemesis, Xerxes, the jerk-off Emperor of Persia:

Xerxes: What the hell is this crap?

Leonidas: Eat me.

Xerxes: There are two hundred thousand dudes here and you've only got a couple of hundred pussies guarding this pass. You're so boned. Just lay down your weapons.

Leonidas: Why don't you come and get them, bitch? We'll see who's a pussy when I shove all two hundred thousand of those knuckleheads up your ass.

Xerxes: Screw you.


Leonidas: Good one, loser. I've heard better insults from sock puppets.

Xerxes: That's it.


Brilliant! Is it not?

For an extra humorous treat, check out the reviews on Amazon. One reviewer started off his comments with this little caveat - "Warning: This book will suck the estrogen right out of you." (He then goes on to confess that he has never actually seen someone crushed under the weight of testicles, but is apparently open to the possibility). Another reviewer praises Thompson for "single-handedly saving History from the dust bin of history." Ironically, I found the arrogant assertions in the 1 and 2 star reviews far more endorsement than deterrent. I guess some people are so closed off to life, they just can't seem to find affinity for both Pulitzer Prize winning literature, as well as edgy, funny, and non-traditional styles of writing. These are the same type of snobs that hate Anime and shit on Science Fiction, Slasher, and Chop Socky flicks, while only praising indie, or mainstream "cinema." Variety is the spice of life. So eat a fist full of habaneros and shut the fuck up.

So, if you're ready for an unbridled wild ride of off-the-chain ass-kicking, then go obtain this book, open it, and start reading... unless of course you're a total pussy.

Badass of the Week
Ben Thompson Interview

Sparkly Eyes

Feast For A Film Geek

Lots of buzz about Tarantino's new offering Inglorious Basterds. Some of course hate it; mostly because people love to hate things. But most like, or even love, the movie. It has been analyzed to death by mobs of Tarantino aficionados the world over (myself included), so no need to go into the intoxicating details here.

In typical Tarantino fashion, it abounds with homages to countless cult movie classics. Also, he once again captivates us with his genius ability to write dialogue (how many screen writers can start off a movie with a 20 minute interrogation scene and make it work brilliantly?).

Spaghetti Western theme songs, serious characters, cartoonish characters, scalping, revenge, movie makers, Nazi killings, secret agents, sociopaths, etc.... what more can one ask for in a Tarantino flick?

Do yourself a favor and go see it on the Big Screen. See it twice in fact.

Auto-Erotic Overdrive - Kwai Chang Caine Executes the Final Technique

One of my childhood heroes passed away last week.

I grew up watching the Television classic ‘Kung Fu’ during its original airing, and the subsequent syndicated re-run mill.

What a treat it was, week after week, watching this mystical monk from a magical land, performing supernatural feats of the body and mind. Every episode, we were transported to the Wild West of America to delight in a superhero from the exotic Orient dispatching violent un-enlightened thugs whose guns and gritty hauteur were soundly rendered impotent. He never broke a sweat, and he never got pissed-off. (Plus Master Po had those creepy cool looking eyes).

Of course, later on, most of us learned the truths of Kung Fu The Series and David Carridine the actor: Shaolin Monastery (少林寺) was just a Buddhist Temple in China that happened to specialize in Martial Arts; and David Carridine’s extremely serene demeanor was simply a classic case of Lysergic Acid Diethylamide “experimentation.”

We also learned much later that the role was conceived by, and stolen from, the real Martial Arts Master of the time, the great Bruce Lee.

Later in his career, David Carradine proved that he was, if not a great actor, an extremely peculiar one. Whatever role he played, he always seemed to keep it interesting, if not for anything except his bizarre persona. His presence alone was compelling enough to endure even the worst of scripts. When his career was re-ignited by the brilliant Tarrintino classics, Kill Bill Volumes 1 and 2, we were once again reminded that Carridine was a enduring staple of American pop culture.

When I heard that he died, I felt a little sadness. A sadness that lingered. Although, when I learned of the circumstances surrounding his demise, I have to admit that I was, one, not surprised, and two, kind of in awe that he would go in such a bizarre, fairly uncommon way.

David Carradine died how he lived: alone in a Bangkok Hotel room with a rope around his neck attached to his genitals… okay, he didn’t really die the way he lived exactly, but it was bizarre just the same, just like he was.

He didn’t stop entertaining us to the very end.

You will be missed Grasshopper. You will be missed.

Missed It By That Much

I was thinking about the virtual ease it is to become President of the United States.

In a relatively short time, theoretically one could, with little difficulty, go from actor, to governor, to president.

Or, Terminator to Governator to Prezinator.

Or, Good Action Star to Bad Governor to Cheesy President.

Not that big of a leap really. Been done before in fact. Certain laws notwithstanding, we very well may have been looking at an Obama Vs. Schwarzenegger showdown.

If only.

What a great country this almost is.

Feel’ in Kinda Colicky

The High Price of Gas, John McSame, And Why You Should Never Trust Anyone Over The Age Of Twelve.

With the relatively new (Bush Crime Family Era) High Cost of Everything Reality we have been hit by these days, it seemed appropriate to write something about Gasoline prices in particular. What prompted me to talk about this specific subject was a piece I watched on the Countdown With Keith Olbermann show a couple of days ago. It was all about John McCain and his connection to the now defunct Enron Corporation, many of his current campaign advisers, and the loop hole that allowed Enron to rape California with outrageous Megawatt prices, and now Big Oil, to artificially cranked up the price of oil. Yet, it doesn’t just stop with these guys, one must look to Wall Street as well, in particular, Speculators who are currently raking in millions from Oil Futures. All of it going un-checked by the very people we appointed to protect and serve us: Politicians. (You can throw some blame onto most of the media as well, for simply not bothering to report any real news anymore). This gaping hole in our financial system is aptly named the Enron Loophole.

There are three general reasons for the price of oil to be so high right now:

• Increased demand from around the world, especially developing countries like China and India.

• A very de-valued U.S. Dollar against other currencies.

• Speculators on Wall Street.

The Olbermann report is one of the best explanations about the little known Enron Loophole, and the free pass given to Wall Street yet again.

The reason why most people don’t understand why all these things can happen is simply because the Main Stream Media has no real interest in reporting all the facts and nuances of any given story. Back in the day of old, print media could write out long exposes on particular stories. The message was generally credible and to the point. Most people got their news from the newspapers and periodicals. Nowadays, most people get their news, if they care or get it at all, from Television. Television news is basically short, out of context sound bites, usually of one little inane part of a much bigger issue spoon feed through junk food-like shock points, played over and over and over again, ad-nauseam. The purpose is to never resolve the issue for viewers, it is designed to string us along with controversy, real or contrived, skirting the border of tabloid pulp. Most issues are understood by the public in this very shallow way. Yet even when someone within that genre attempts to spell it out more precisely, as Keith Olberman usually attempts to do, it just doesn’t ever seem to resonate with the public at large. Our attention span is just too damaged. We are way too conditioned to be able to pay attention to the details, even when served up in only slightly bigger portions.

Snuff and Un-Cut

At the behest of a friend of mine, (actually a multi-year harangue), I went out and purchased a canister of snuff. For those who don’t know what snuff is, it is a powered tobacco product administered into your blood stream via small piles snorted into the nostrils. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking.

He pontificated on and on about how great it was, what a wonderful buzz one receives from it, and just an all around gushing rant of praise.

When I was a teenager, a group of us went to the local Head Shop and bought some snuff. We sniffed it, we sneezed it, we tossed it. That was it for that god-awful substance. What the hell was the point?

Well, I finally gave in and determined to give it another shot. After much searching and perusing the Yellow Pages, and quite a few calls to smoke shops, I finally found a cigar store that carried this apparently rare olfactory delicacy.

I obtained the precious treasure, moved quickly to my car, opened the small can, and sniffed away. I immediately understood what the hoopla was all about…

Sorry, I’m back, I had to stop and take a quick sniff. Anyway, I got religion now. Snuff is a wonderful substance. It has lived up to everything my buddy claimed on its behalf.

Well, I gotta go. I suddenly have this strange urge to smoke a cigarette. Go figure.

Autodidact Redux

About a month ago, I embarked on yet another attempt at learning Japanese. My first attempt was many years ago when I attended a Community College class at night with a friend of mine.

My friend is already fluent in Chinese, and even lived in Japan for more than five years. He never learned to speak Japanese though, even while shacking up with a Japanese girlfriend. Too busy I guess.

I didn’t make much progress either: We both became friends with the Japanese Professor, and subsequently, dropped out of the class. Too bad, because I thought it was really going to pop that time.

Over the years, once in a while, I screw up my resolve, get out all the books and CDs and flash cards, set it all up, sit down at the desk, and…. I get discouraged, distracted, and lose interest.

This time there is a different factor in play. That is, my daughter is teaching herself Japanese. Suddenly, I am feeling the urgency to pick it up as she does, not wanting to see yet another person pass me by with bi-lingual-ability-ness. She has a clear advantage over me though, in that she is a kid with a language cortex like a thirsty sponge. And, oh yeah, she is way smarter than me.

Our home life is interesting in terms of linguistics. My wife speaks fluent Mongolian, Russian, and English. My daughter can comprehend Mongolian, but refuses to speak any of it, preferring the much more comfortable English target language. My son only speaks English. I can speak a smattering of Chinese and Spanish. (I get the Mexican guys at work to teach me Spanish; although I sometimes wonder if they are teaching me the right words).

When my in-laws visit, my mother-in-law just talks to all of us in Mongolian. I haven’t a clue what the hell she is talking about, but my son seems to understand. Probably for the same ‘kid-with-a-mind-like-a-fully available-10,000,000-terabyte-hard drive’ reason all of us possess as kids.

I think I would ignore her even if I understood what she was saying. I guess some things are the same in any language.